Found on a flyer that is very likely satire, a person named Aaron is offering lessons in how to become a cat. This flyer was found inside the Crystal Ballroom, a venue which is usually hosting various niche musical events in a truly unique setting.

The flyer suggests that Aaron (who has the pronouns, ze/him/hiss), has identified as a cat for over 10 years and is accepting new clients at what they call extremely reasonable rates. Although for some reason the prices are not listed and we truly have no idea just how much it costs to become a cat.

Some Portland locals are confused as to how a cat was able to produce a flyer of such quality and able to type all of the information since they only have paws.

Others were quick to point out that this is very likely for some kind of “prank” or radio show in which an unknowing suspect will be bombarded with messages and voicemails about how to become a cat. Although some did point out that it would be a true CATastrophe if this flyer wasn’t taken seriously.

If you didn’t already know, here’s some information about the Crystal Ballroom:

1. History: The Crystal Ballroom, also referred to as the “Crystal” or “Crystal Ballroom at the McMenamins’ Crystal Hotel,” has a rich history dating back to 1914. It was originally built as a ballroom and dance hall.
2. Architecture: The Crystal Ballroom features a unique floating dance floor, which is essentially a large, spring-loaded floor that allows for comfortable dancing. The venue’s distinctive decor includes ornate chandeliers, a vaulted ceiling, and a spacious interior.
3. Music Venue: Over the years, the Crystal Ballroom has transformed into a popular music venue, hosting a wide range of concerts and events. It has showcased performances by renowned artists from various genres, including rock, indie, alternative, and more. The venue can accommodate around 1,500 people for standing shows and approximately 850 for seated events.
4. McMenamins Ownership: In the 1990s, the McMenamins family acquired the Crystal Ballroom and undertook extensive renovations to restore its historic charm. The McMenamins are known for their preservation of historic properties and their unique approach to transforming them into vibrant entertainment venues.